Just Not Today

I have been quite the ambitious individual my whole life. From wanting to be a fireman to a paramedic, a novelist to a musical artist, I swear I have dreamt to achieve it all. Lately, however, my two largest ambitions seem the most realistic as well as being the most attainable. If you have been reading my blog up until now, you will know that I am pursuing an old goal of mine to become a teacher at the high school level. The other goal would be that of a storyteller.

The storyteller thing is not a new goal either, but one that has shape-shifted throughout the years. It is an even older goal than that of becoming a teacher. Ever since grade eight, which would bring us back to the year 2001, I have had this dream of telling stories. Back then, it was a desire to write a series of eight books, or some other ridiculous number for a thirteen year old. One series turned into two, then three, then some number variable replaced by x. These stories still might make it to a book format, but my desire for storytelling doesn't end there.

Novel writing then transformed into writing music with lyrics that told a story, with each track acting as a chapter of a book. And somehow in each piece, the story would go through a three-act structure only to pull you into the next song, which would make the most sense if you listened to the album in order, but each song could stand on its own. Then the realization came that I cannot write music nor play any instruments and all I would have is my voice, and if I could not do all the work myself, then I wasn't interested. Way to kill some ambition, but it's for the best.

Then came the art of filmmaking. Now this was a bit of a shocker to me. I had attended Vancouver Film School and left not wanting to make any sort of film whatsoever. I was certain of the fact that the only kind of work that I would be inspired to do after leaving that school would be graphic/web design and nothing more. WRONGZO. There is nothing that I find more tedious than struggling with a mouse in Illustrator and I highly doubt that using a pen tablet would make me enjoy it any more. But moving pictures, sound, lighting... What could be more perfect?

Although my list of film projects remains quite small to this day, it is the one thing that I cannot stop thinking about. Sadly, thinking about it is really all I end up doing. I don't jot my ideas down. I don't pick up my camera. I just let these ideas swim around in this depthless pool of wonderment that is my brain. But this must cease! I must write! And that is what I fully intend to do tonight.

I don't know where filmmaking will fit in my busy schedule, but it has led me to think of cutting out the things that I enjoy doing to allow more time for the things I hope to love doing. And once I become a teacher, filmmaking may have to wait for the weekends, holidays, and summer breaks, but that is a bridge I will cross once I reach its edge.

I'm fading fast. But I know which of my six ideas to work on right away... A young man who has never been in love. Although it sounds sad, I feel it holds a lot of comedic promise. As the usual writer's advice goes, "Write about what you know." And that is what I fully intend to do.

Just not today. Sounds like a promising title.

Let's try this again.

I turn the awesome age of 25 tomorrow, and I think it is about time I stop saying I will go to the gym and actually go to the gym.

No. Wait a minute. What the hell? Am I crazy? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah... I'm not going to the gym. But I can work out from home, which is a bajillion times more awesome, less intimidating, and cheaper. Sure, I miss out on some eye candy, but that's what the Internet is for, right?!

...Right?

Anyway, I have had these apps on my phone for a while. They're 100 Push-Ups and 100 Sit-Ups. I intend to use them and stick to them this time. And, this time, I will do the workouts in the morning and not right before bed because that feels dumb when you haven't had the whole day to intake enough protein for muscle recovery. My shoulders are just a tad sore from yesterday's push-up work out. I did the initial exercise for sit-ups to see how many I can do in a row. I think 30 reps isn't too bad. They're not even full sit-ups, anyway. Just crunches.

OH MAN, I AM GONNA GET SO HOT.

No, but really. Time to do something about it.

One Week

It's been one week since you looked at me...

Yeah. That's a Barenaked Ladies lyric. What of it?

Anyway, today marks one week until I am no longer an employee of the Government of the Northwest Territories. And then the morning after, should the paperwork finally go through, I will work my first day as a substitute teacher with Yellowknife Education District #1.

I am sure there are many people who will know what I mean when I say this: it is really hard going to work when you know that it is almost over. The excitement for what's coming ahead. The feeling that no matter how hard you try, you will never catch up. Knowing that what you're doing is just right for yourself.

Oh no, I'm hyperventilating. It's all happening so fast. The world... It's going dark. Help me. Help me!

Squeaky Shoes

Rubber duckies. You have got some serious competition.

Earlier today, I saw a friend and her little girl walking around town and it instantly put a huge smile on my face. Her daughter was wearing shoes that when stepping would make the sounds of a rubber ducky, one shoe the sound of when you squeeze and the other when you relax. This happiness turned into laughter when she decided to run, and I could not believe the adorable spectacle that was being put on before me.

Kids are great. And they never cease to make smile.

Sidebar: I just Googled squeaky shoes, and I found this website: http://weesqueak.ca/

Amazing, right?

Yeah.

I should have bought the Basecamp XL.

Well, world. Here I sit inside a tent writing a blog entry on my iPad, while my "roommate" continues to sleep in his comatose state, thanks to the wonderful Nyquil cough syrup. I should have asked for a dose because I did not succeed in sleeping very well on what feels like the world's smallest sleeping pad.

He stirs.

For some reason I agreed to come on this all-weekend camping trip. I never camp out overnight. The only camping I ever do involves me driving out to the location of my friends and then returning home before nightfall. As someone pointed out on this trip, that isn't camping at all. I have never wanted to do the overnight stuff because the prospect of performing number two rituals in the woods seemed soooooooo not my thing. Alas, my moment of shame happened last year when the foul odour of my uncle's outhouse in Nicaragua was simply too much to bear. I however did end up doing my business on the empty lot where my father's house once stood when he was growing. That is, however, another story.

You know what is really cool about our camping location right now, though? The nearby rapids. Had my sleeping accommodations been just a tad more comfortable, I am sure that the sound of their whirling and whooshing would have easily lulled me into a pleasant slumber. And, to be quite honest, I could have survived this trip without my iPad had I had more time to search for both a sketchbook and journal. Although late night blogging is impossible in the dark, and I currently do not own a headlamp. The list of items to include for my next camping trip grows!

He stirs again. I wish he would just wake up and give me someone to talk to. Selfish, Jean!

It rains. For what feels like the tenth time, it rains. And of all things to not be able to locate, my rain jacket was the item I need most. A female companion has lent me hers for the time being. It is a little tight around the stomach region which reinforces the fact that I must begin going to the gym! Because who doesn't want to wear women's clothing?!

I hear voices. Time to socialise.

The end of an era.

Well, folks. It's time I let the cat out of the bag; today marks the fourteen day stretch until I am no longer employed with the Government of the Northwest Territories. Three days left.

I have mixed feelings at this point about this. I am as terrified as I am excited. Terrified of leaving a stable job with steady pay, in territory that is and has been familiar to me since December 2007. Excited because once this is over, I will be walking the path towards a new career.

I mentioned in my first post on this new blog of mine that I will be returning to school (hopefully next year) with the goal of obtaining my Bachelors of Education. What I did not mention was that I intended on leaving my current job to become a substitute teacher with two school boards here in Yellowknife, perhaps even all (?) three.

Although I really do not need to justify my action for anyone but myself, I feel I should share my opinions on the matter as at this point, they are the only ones that matter. Let's use bullets!

1. I went to film school. And if there is anything that film school taught me is that I am a creative individual and should not be sitting in front of a desk all day pushing paper, answering phones, and taking revenue. Film a movie, draw a masterpiece, sing a song!
2. I finished high school and attended two years of university in French. Parlez-vous français? Because my knowledge of the French language has been diminishing ever since I left the UofA in April 2007. In all my years being a bilingual public servant, I would say that I have helped maybe five people by speaking French each year. That's not enough practice! And subbing in French will definitely revive the romantic Frenchman within!
3. Being a teacher was my plan from the get-go. I think back to my university days and am shocked I never once took a single Education course. What was I thinking filling up my timetable with science and language courses? I knew I wanted to teach and I did not even pursue that in the slightest! Silliness!
4. I am taking a risk. And I feel like I have never taken a risk in my life. People keep asking me if I will be able to find steady work as a substitute, and if it will pay enough to cover my expenses, to which I reply yes! I do not know if this is the truth personally, but others have told me so, and if it is not steady, so what? No risk, no reward. Is that not the motto of a true gamer? Because life is essentially a game. There just isn't a reset button.

The 18th. That is when I leave those who have been a part of my working life for what feels like forever, but at the most would only be slightly under four years. It is definitely a weird feeling, knowing you are leaving. But I must work hard until the very end, and that is what I intend to do.